How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Dicks are not precious.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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