He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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