I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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