is your mom at the bar?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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