Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
