why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
