I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
