I'm jealous of your bromance
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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