he puts the penis in happiness.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
