he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
