i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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