I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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