We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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