White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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