Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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