So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
