Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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