i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
