But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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