i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
