Having a random hookup so left but love u
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Can Purell be used as lube?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
