he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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