so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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