Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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