I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
