I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
vagina is talking i cant
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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