Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
