Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
