capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
