at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
