saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
