I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
