How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
