feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
