You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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