i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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