Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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