I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
