Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
