yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You are the jesus of drinking
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
