i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
