found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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