is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
