it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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