Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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