sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
