It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
