Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
