I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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