I need help removing her.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
