Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
