No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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