we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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