I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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