I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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