...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
