so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
