did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm going to jail i love you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Drunk is not a location!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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