Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
