I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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