Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
