I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
