? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
